I am the very model of a modern old age pensioner ?

Something very odd has happened to Old Age. Have you noticed? It has become a competition. Friends stop me in the street, full of smiles and bright eyed. They know I will be delighted to talk about the competition. "Rhoda, did you read in yesterday's paper about that amazing old woman who did a freefall parachute jump with an instructor strapped to her back on her 97th birthday?" It made me feel rather sour. Mind you the idea of having a hunky instructor strapped to my back had a certain appeal. Hum. Yes! But in public? And for such a short time?
I'm unsure about how to behave as an ancient. I remember my mother gave me an excellent bit of advice. "Rhoda when you are old you must never show any skin. Be specially careful not to show cleavage. Ancient and withered bosoms are not for the flaunting" so I only show my face and my hands and I'm a bit shy about them.
All in all I'm afraid I don't qualify as the very model of a modern old age pensioner. I haven't invented a new super food that brings in a couple of million profit a year. No way will I fling myself off a bridge with elastic tied to my ankle. I don't compete in this new competition. I'm only ninety and I'm having a ball.